I feel sad today...

Today, I feel very sad.

Yesterday, I was mad.

Tomorrow, I wish I could smile.

My heart is so heavy.

My life is in a mess.

I tried hard to get it around but it just does not work as it does not concern me only. I feel so lifeless. My heart is crying... so frequently and the real things gonna show up. I feel I might have a heart attack one day and my dog, Skippy will be one of the richest dog in the world when he benefits from the insurance. Only Skippy knows when I am sad. He will wack his tail and lick me to say that he loves me. He would sleep under my chair when I am busy. Busy, playing games. Guarding me. He is a Jack Russell Terrier. A handsome one. Always waiting to please me and always waiting to play with me. He is my best friend.

Why? WHy?? WHY??? This is what I hear everyday. I want to run away, with Skippy. To a river, to a stream, across the ocean, anywhere where I could still fish a little. It just does not matter where, as long as I fish to live and able to survive, I would be contended. Otherwise, I wish my breathe would not moist that window anymore...

My heart aches... literally and physically. My mind is lost. My soul lags. My spirit is giving up.

I can feel the pain again. More acute this time. In my right leg. I am in pain. I fell asleep enduring the pain with sweats on my face. I still refuse pain killer as anyway, it does not heal but just numb my mind. I wake up to nightmare. I readily sleep to run away, for awhile. I can run but I still cannot hide... I need to do somethingelse which will work and last a life time and so that I could smile again... I am forgetting how to smile already... *grins* FAKE!

I would be better off in the cyberworld but I know it provides only temporary relief. Pain killer?

I could feel that the time is coming, but WHAT?

I am in a corner, having no where to turn.

I wish I am... NOT THIS *&$%ING THOUGHTS AGAIN?!?!?!?!

Just leave me alone, will you all?!?!?!?!

I could see my limit... hanging like a thread infront of me...

I think I am going insane if I carry on like this...

x.X